I tend to keep quiet about my progress and achievements, aside from sharing with those close to me, but it seems that that becomes a hinderance for me, especially when the work I do and want to do more of involves making changes in our lives.
I feel fortunate to have a group of women I’ve been meeting with going on 7 years now. I get reflected back, often, how different I am now, in my life, then I was those years ago. Sometimes shifts and change can be subtle. Sometimes not so much. One of the really important things when making changes in our lives is to objectively look at where we are and see the things that are different.
Like today, for example, a dear friend and I were having a talk about summer plans. He shared that he may be changing his living arrangements. In the past, I would have felt responsible or would have felt an overwhelming urge to rescue him. I felt the shadow of that urge. Like a pathway that has been used over and over again, but I saw it was merely one possibility. Another possibility is to listen to what he’s sharing and see if he has any requests. Today his request was what did I think of his situation. Instead of jumping in to fix it or try and solve the problem for him, there is more room for curiosity and space for the circumstances to dictate what needs to happen next. I feel much more relaxed then I would have before. That feels relieving and I feel more present. That is a enormous change for me, but subtle as well.
One of the biggest things we do in Skills For Change is we fight pig. Skills For Change practitioners are often looking for ways to describe what it is we do. This can be difficult because it is often subtle and body focused. What I mean by that is when I go in to have a session with Julia, the effects are somatic. My vision expands, my breathing is freer, my body feels more relaxed. This is the physical sensation of embodying the adult consciousness, which is one of our “goals” in S4C. The reason I brought up fighting pig at the beginning of this paragraph is that if we are wanting something different in our lives or if we are wanting to make a personal change, having someone reflect back to us how a circumstance or a behavior might be different from what has happened before is very beneficial. This is creating a more complex and accurate picture of what is happening, which can give us the steam to keep chugging along. The pig, which is a construct, a self created safety mechanism, which we created to survive our early years, is limited in it’s view. It is black and white by nature. It is fast acting and reactionary. The pig will say something like, “See, you are doing exactly the same thing you’ve done before. This is hopeless. You are hopeless and never gonna change.” How frustrating that is to have that voice in our heads, often unchecked and unquestioned!? It makes sense that we would get stuck and not be able to make the progress we desperately want.
I have room in my on-going S4C support group that is currently starting. What I have written is exactly the kind of work we do in these groups. You will get support. You will feel less isolated. You will have more specific and meaningful connections. You will get clarity. You will get understanding and increase your self-compassion.
If this sounds interesting to you, please let me know. I want to have 5 women in my group. Feel free to pass this along to anyone who might be interested. I am open to having another group that is not just women, so if you are interested and not identified as a woman, you can still let me know.
Here’s to making changes and loving ourselves along the way!
Love,
Sarah
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This is very well described and sounds like you have benefited greatly. I am sure you are and will of great service to all who come in contact with you.